The ::Shameful:: Truth
by foodaddict
Summary: AU, SesshRin. She left, he was too proud to follow her. What happens when his brother and one of her best friends decide to get married. Will they leave it at that, or will something she's been hiding draw them together again?
1. Before

**Disclaimer: **Because I'm dutiful at preventing my somewhat imminent incarceration for defying the Intellectual Property Law, I disclaim the characters. :D They're all yours, Rumiko. :D

**Summary: **AU.She was so frightened that she left, and he was too proud to follow. It was all but settled until one of her best friends and his brother decided to get married.

**Pairings:** Sesshomaru/Rin, Inuyasha/Kagome, Sango/Miroku, Naraku/Kikyo. I'm still thinking over the last pairing. :D

**Rating: **R for language (Inuyasha's mainly—kidding. :D ) and sexual content. Don't worry, I'll leave warnings. ;D

**Author's Note:** Another Inuyasha fic! ;P Heehee! ;P I really do love feedback—reviews are appreciated, reviewers are adored! ;P Many thanks to the inspiration for this fic! ;P hug and kiss The characters may seem a bit OOC at first—I hope you don't mind, I took some liberties. :D It's a bit short and not everyone's in this chapter yet, but when I know more about what you think I'll be better with the next chapter. :D That's a promise. ;P Oh yeah, the title should read "Shameful", but quotation marks wouldn't work. :D

Chapter 1

Before

If someone were to peep through the open blinds covering that particular second floor window, she was almost half-certain they would have a strong inclination to shiver. As it was, she knew she looked completely creepy, staring at the computer screen with her mouth halfway open and her tired eyes no longer comprehending what was displayed on it. She was slouching, her face was oily, and her hair was in complete disarray.

Sighing, she pulled herself to her feet and without further thought she pulled the plug from the wall behind the computer, no longer caring if she had saved what miniscule progress she had made on her report. It was 4 am, she hadn't slept in a total of 36 hours, and she was going to submit trash anyway if she didn't get some sleep.

Apart from that, she had a class presentation due on the same day. Her parents were coming over to visit. She hadn't done her laundry. She was packing on pounds from too much fast food, rice, and all manner of edibles. She hadn't studied her French. She hadn't brushed her teeth.

"This is getting bad," she murmured softly, dragging herself up the short flight of stairs to the loft where she slept. The air-conditioning was humming softly, sending blasts of chill her way that made her shiver but did not register to her numbed mind. She stared at her unmade bed resignedly, stripping off her jeans and shirt before climbing in. Vaguely she remembered that their new neighbor had offered to come over more than once, but she'd declined every time. There was a reason, but she was too exhausted to scour her consciousness for it.

Her lips twisted with irony. Perhaps that was why. She was always tired these days. He might as well have gone to bed with a corpse if she'd let him drop by. She pulled the sheets over her. It would have been warm though.

_But empty._

The thought came out of nowhere. Or somewhere she didn't want to be. Ruthlessly she quashed it, sending a quick, fleeting prayer to God to let sleep come as quickly as it promised it would. She prayed for her parents, her family, her friends. For her paper and her report. And for forgiveness. For His forgiveness.

Because she couldn't forgive herself.

---

A log crashed in the hearth, sending a shower of sparks up into the air. They landed on the cold stone that extended from the leaping flames, mercifully missing the thick carpet that stretched over the length of the spacious, high-ceilinged room. The light from the fire did not touch the ceiling and half the furnishings and the moon's soft beams merely gilded objects with silvery light. A heavy darkness held its ground against both illuminators, almost palpable in its strength.

Partially shrouded in it, a pair of intense, burnished gold eyes stared disinterestedly at the ceiling. He had invested a large amount of money on aesthetics and maintenance, but despite that he could see faint lines already etching the plaster. He considered getting up and digging for his cell phone so he could call his retainer, but merely lying there held its appeal.

Not because he liked it. He took in the scent of the women who lay about him. They were rich, beautiful, and intelligent. They came when he wanted them, gave him what he wanted, and were content. They didn't wish for love, for marriage, for children.

And every time they touched him it was all he could do not to rip them into shreds.

But he liked looking up at the ceiling. At the darkness. It was almost sadistic, how he gloried in the pain that assaulted him whenever he did. He knew that it had meant something at one time, how he had treasured the night and its shroud because it was like a nest that kept her near him and shut the rest of the world out. Now it was a shroud that held himself and a relentless army of memories whose torture he submitted himself to eagerly.

_"Come, woman."_

_And she did. She lay atop him, as she did so many nights before, her chin resting on her hands as she stared down at him, her dark eyes warm. _

_"The floor, my lord?" she asked, her voice soft, hoarse from crying out. "Surely I deserve better than that?"_

_"What does it matter where, if you have me?" he murmured. "And since when has it been 'my lord' between us?"_

_"You are a youkai lord," she answered, pressing her lips against his chest. "I call you so out of respect."_

_He slid his hand into her hair. "Not love?"_

_"Respect after love—but I didn't need to say that." She slid her finger lazily over her chin. "Did I?"_

"No," he whispered aloud.

The darkness was opposed to the intrusion his voice made on its companion, silence. It thickened somehow, as though attempting to suffocate him, and his vision clouded until even his keen eyes could no longer make out what was above him.

_What you needed to say was what was _wrong, a part of him continued bitterly. As though it could hear even those thoughts, the darkness swooped down on him in a furious attempt to quell the voice that—despite its smallness—reverberated through his consciousness. _What did I do to make you leave? What did I lack that you wouldn't stay?_

_I don't _care.

Another memory lanced into his mind, refreshing the agony as her face swam to the fore.

_"No, Lord Sesshomaru. Of course you don't."_


	2. Before Part 2

**Disclaimer**: Yeah, whatever it is you'd expect to be here.

**Summary: **AU.She was so frightened that she left, and he was too proud to follow. It was all but settled until one of her best friends and his brother decided to get married.

**Pairings:** Sesshomaru/Rin, Inuyasha/Kagome, Sango/Miroku, Naraku/Kikyo. I'm still thinking over the last pairing. :D

**Rating: **R for language (Inuyasha's mainly—kidding. :D ) and sexual content. Don't worry, I'll leave warnings. ;D

**Author's Note**: I'm so sorry it's so confusing! I'll try to clear it up in the succeeding chapters! So that this one will be less confusing, you should know that this chapter is taking place in the same time frame as the first chapter. We pick up from where Rin went to bed—this is when she wakes up. The reason the first two chapters are entitled "Before" and "Before Part 2" is because apart from the latter being flashback chapter, it gives us a look at what happened in the months after Rin left Sesshomaru. The real story kicks off during the present time—when Kagome and Inuyasha get engaged and Rin and Sesshomaru are pulled together again. That'll be in the _next _chapter. :D

The flashback parts in this chapter are italicized and Rin's thoughts during those flashbacks are in bold letters. :D Sorry guys—I know there could have been a better way to set this story up, and I promise to do some heavy editing when I find the time. For now, please bear with me. :D

Also, to everyone who reviewed, thank you very much! I would say more here, but you remember the rule about posting thank-you-s at the top of the chapter...so please know that I'm grateful for your feedback. Again, thank you! ;P

Chapter 2

Before Part 2

_Rin Fujii had grown up a normal girl. She had been brought up an only child by parents who—though often busy with their work as sociologists—had lavished her with attention and love. She was a good student in all fields, though she was a natural at home economics, and while she loved sports she never truly excelled at them. She was pretty and well-liked, and being sparingly exposed to anything extremely out of the ordinary, she was as firmly grounded in the realities of the world around her as could. _

_So when Kagome Higurashi—her best friend since elementary school—had dragged her into the ladies' room during dinner at a swanky resto and told her that she was interning as the personal assistant of a demon, she couldn't help it._

_She laughed. _

_"Honestly, Kagome!" she choked between the gales of hilarity. "I'm not overworking myself with this internship. Stop trying to trick me into quitting it. God, I thought you were going to tell me something really awful the way you sounded!" _

_"I'm serious!" Kagome snapped, grabbing Rin by the shoulders painfully. "Rin, I'm telling you, quit this job right now! You can come with me to my internship—they're still accepting applications! You can't go on working for that thing!" _

_"Hey, Mr. Takahashi's okay! Sure, he's a little eccentric with all that silvery hair and those weird eyes, but it hasn't stopped him from being a great businessman and a great boss! I'm really learning from him!"_

_I should have quit then and there_, she mused hollowly.

_Goddamn it, woman, go back to sleep!_

But she couldn't. Her head still felt heavy, but if her mind wasn't sluggish enough to block out those memories and the resulting thoughts, it was active enough for her to put it to good use. Gripping the nightstand, she got up slowly, gritting her teeth as a wave of nausea assaulted her. Freezing, she shut her eyes and clamped her mouth shut, swallowing the bitter tang of chyme before she could vomit.

_Not today_, she thought urgently, frantically.

The morning sickness was still frustratingly erratic—she'd hoped it would have established a pattern by now, so she could work her way around it. As it was, it was only making her already chaotic schedule steadily worse, and she was beginning to wish she'd enrolled the semester after fall instead of pushing herself to study in the summer to make up for the semester she'd miss when she—

She swallowed back another bout, resignedly lying down.

With the upheaval she'd been through since she'd found out three months ago, her schedule should have been easy to deal with. After all, she'd drastically altered her life within a week and had been able to deal with the inevitable pandemonium with relative ease.

Though, of course, there had been help then.

Her parents had been understanding, and they hadn't pushed her when she'd expressed her desperate need for a change of scenery. It was not as if they could do much to remedy the situation past giving her what she wanted—persuading her to reconsider was impossible, since she'd already withdrawn her records from the university, quit her internship, and moved out. Even if they didn't know why she'd done it, they knew their daughter well enough to be certain that whatever had prompted her into it would have to be serious.

They hadn't pushed or prodded her into telling them what was wrong. They'd simply done what she'd asked—acquired her papers, gotten her into a new university, and helped her settle. Perhaps that was why she'd told them so easily before they left for home. It was shameful to admit it, but before they'd given her help she'd kept her mouth shut for fear they'd recoil from her and leave her to fend for herself.

_Stupid of me, really_, she sighed to herself, wishing she hadn't acted so gung-ho the last time they visited. Perhaps, if she'd been less cavalier, her mother would have been worried enough to "impose" herself and take care of Rin.

_I'm pregnant._

_Her father's face crumpled, his eyes closed. For one horrifying moment she prayed for his anger, his disgust—anything other than the glimpse of disappointment she was sure was there. Then he opened his eyes and put his arms around her. _

_"It's nothing to be ashamed about," he said gruffly. "A grandchild is a gift."_

_"But he's going to be hanyou," she'd whispered through her tears, burying herself in his comforting warmth. "Sesshomaru—_Mr. Takahashi—_doesn't want children, much less half-breeds!" _

_"Are you sure, sweetheart?" her mother pressed gently. "Because you may only be getting the impression—"_

_"He said so himself!"_

_Her mother's voice sharpened, her eyes rounded out. "So you've told him you're pregnant?"_

_Rin shook her head vigorously. "NO! And I don't mean to! He can't find out—he told me himself how he felt a long time ago! Please don't confront him!" _

_"We won't," her father promised, tightening his arms reassuringly. "Regardless of the father, your child s a gift. If your—" he paused, then said the next word with carefully-leashed contempt—"lover can't see that, _we_ certainly can."_

She had to type that report. She had to pull things together—not just for her sake, but for her baby's as well.

"You'll be all right," she murmured reassuringly, placing a hand over her abdomen. Laughing at herself, she added, "You'll be all right, too, Rin. Just relax a little and wait for it to pass."

_"...we should simply wait for it to pass."_

_She looked miserably at the wall of rain that began a few feet from where she was standing. Curtains of moisture surrounded them on all sides and she twirled around impatiently, annoyed at the lack of seating in the waiting shed and their MIA driver. _

_"I can't believe we're going to miss the meeting," she huffed after another five minutes. "After all the trouble we went through to set it up! Ooh, when I get my hands on Kureno...!"_

_She realized belatedly that Mr. Takahashi was giving her a sidelong stare and she flushed, mentally slapping herself on the forehead for displaying such a lack of control in front of her employer. Hastily she schooled her expression into one patient and dignified._

_Only to have it crack into one of surprise when he turned his face towards her and asked her a question far removed from the lecture on control she was expecting. _

_"You truly wish to attend that meeting?"_

_She blinked. "Well—yes. Don't you?" _

_He didn't reply. _

_She swallowed, agonizing over her blinding knack for committing faux pas with the worst possible people. Under his steady, stoic gaze, she began to squirm, her words rushing out even more carelessly due to her tension. _

_"W-Well...three of the people there are flying in from other countries just to be there and if we don't show up we'd be inexcusably rude."_

_"Hmph." His eyes seemed to harden at this and she was beginning to feel that getting drowned in the deluge was preferable to standing there and upsetting him. "When you have the power, you are never 'inexcusably rude'. When you are in charge there is no need to justify yourself to those who are beneath you." _

_For some reason, that hurt. Maybe because she was one of those people who were "beneath" him. He'd meant it figuratively, she knew, but her mind couldn't help conjuring a very _literal_ picture._

_For the nth time that day, she flushed. _

_**RIN, HENTAI!** Inwardly, she cringed and stuffed cotton in her ears as her outraged, timid reservations began screaming bloody murder as she relived—_

_Well._

_**Wrong place, **_**definitely_ wrong time to be thinking about _that_, darling_**_, she reminded herself firmly. **Concentrate...Kureno is going to be in so much trouble when I get my hands on him...**_

_"Y-Yes," she said quietly, lowering her eyes. "Of course, sir." _

_His next question differed in no way from the previous in its tone, but she was certain he was guarded when he asked it. _

_"Being here with me bothers you so?" _

_She'd been so surprised she'd forgotten her earlier resolve to be meeker around him and swung her gaze around to look him full in the eye. Coming from anyone else, the question sounded almost..._

_**...hurt? Mr. Takahashi? Impossible!**_

_But just in case...on the incredibly off chance that he actually was..._

_"Actually," she said with a smile, "I rather like the rain. When I'm in good company, of course." _

_Typically, he didn't even blink. He'd simply stared at her and then looked away._

"Damn you, Sesshomaru," she hissed, shutting her eyes as angry tears squeezed themselves out. "Can you blame me if I'm so confused?"

---

_"Earth to Sesshomaru...HELLO!"_

Sesshomaru shut his eyes, his muscles tightening as he fought the urge to cringe and the simultaneous _need_ to savagely rip his brother's head from his shoulders. Somewhere in the midst of Inuyasha's long, uninspired, and boring insult-filled speech his voice had blended in with the air-conditioning in his office to form a low buzzing sound. He struggled to remember why he had agreed to see his brother in the first place and what he _had_ listened to when his brother had begun speaking.

_Half-brother_, he thought venomously, opening his eyes a moment later to stare coldly back into identical honey-gold orbs.

_"Why is it that you're so angry with Inuyasha, my lord?"_

_"He is a half-demon and he is beneath me. It is as simple as that."_

_"But he shares your blood nonetheless, doesn't he? Perhaps if you remembered that more often than the fact that he has other blood in him—_

_HALF BROTHER_, his mind repeated viciously, drowning out her voice.

"Stop spacing out, will you?" Inuyasha snapped, once more dangerously unaware of the nerves he was recklessly grating at that point. "I'm saying something important!"

"If my attention is not on you, it means that there are other matters that are _more_ important," he replied coolly. "Be grateful that I am even seeing you and stop wasting my time. What do you have to say?"

"Oh, nothing," Inuyasha said sarcastically. "Just wanted to let my _dear_ _Big Brother_ know that I got into that scholarship I applied for. Remember? The one where I get to train under the YYH Corps.?"

_He's going to America._

He had to admit his surprise. Not at the fact that Inuyasha had gotten the scholarship—_part_ of him was Takahashi, after all, and that counted for a lot of the good graces that the otherwise ill-deserving hanyou received. But the fact that Inuyasha was actually discussing it with him—as though it were something serious that merited notifying the head of the family.

He was not about to believe that Inuyasha was telling him merely because he was his brother.

_Half-brother_, came the automatic correction.

He knew Inuyasha, and Inuyasha would never let Sesshomaru in on his business if he could help it. But Sesshomaru was the head of the family, and he had assigned responsibilities to Inuyasha that he had to accept if he wanted to receive his share of their assets. If Inuyasha took the scholarship, he would be moving away, and that would mean a shifting of his responsibilities—something he could only discuss with the head.

"It's a four-year thing," Inuyasha went on when Sesshomaru failed to reply, his stance becoming more tense than irritated as he wondered what his brother was going to say. "I'm going to have to move to America—it's where Yusuke's been concentrating the classes." He paused, staring resolutely into Sesshomaru's unreadable eyes. "I know you think it's a waste of my time, this detective business, but you should also know that I don't give a damn what you think. I'm only letting you know so you don't start screeching the minute you realize I'm not holding up my end anymore."

Despite his current mood, Sesshomaru couldn't help but smirk. "Why, _little brother_," he answered evenly, knowing how much Inuyasha hated it when he addressed him that way, "knowing that you are no longer mucking up our family's affairs would be the most pleasant thing I would have learned regarding you as of yet." He reclined into his chair, watching Inuyasha's predictable temper filling the air around him. Before the hanyou could say something more unwise, Sesshomaru continued. "Go, if you will. Rest assured that our family's affairs will not suffer in your absence." _On the contrary..._Sesshomaru suppressed another smirk. "Perhaps Urameshi will be able to ingrain more wisdom and intelligence into that impenetrable skull of yours. I doubt it, but at least you'll be out of the way."

"Hmph," Inuyasha folded his arms. "Don't come crying to me if we go bankrupt. I won't come back here for any other reasons less dire than that."

The idea was so ludicrous that Sesshomaru almost snorted.

"In that case," he said with an aloof yet mocking smile, "then I am most fortunate in realizing that I will never see you again."

**Further Author's Notes: **Hehehe...here's to hoping it's not illegal to put the thank-you-s _here_...XP

_gillian-raine_: Thank you—your reviews make me smile! ;P Let me know what you think of this chapter, okay? ;;)

_SesshomaruCrazy_: Thank you! Thanks! Thank you! Right, I'm going to stop squeezing you to death now...hehe... ;P I had some insecurities with a few phrases in the last chapter, so your review did a lot to ease my tension! ;;) I really appreciate it and hope you'll like this chapter! ;P

_icygirl2_: By now you know why Rin left—but not the whole reason! ;P I'm sorry the first chapter was confusing—I'm still working my way into editing it so that it reads better, but I can't seem to find the right way without completely unraveling the thread, so bear with me! Thanks for reviewing (and wishing me well! ;P ) and I hope to hear from you soon! ;;)

_misterious advisor_: -flicks her magic wand- There! I've granted your wish sweetie—grant mine and let me know what you think, okay? XP

_Chranze_: Here's the update—the ending's a way off yet, though. XP Hope this'll do for now—thank you for reviewing! ;D

_Chew Chew_: Rin, honey. Most definitely Rin. :D XP

_Starrilight-Hotaru_: Thank you, thank you, thank you! ;P Haha, I _did_ base some of the first chapter on real life, you know...in my case, _without_ sexual frustrations too, hehe. :D I hope I get to know what you think of this one. :P

_Darth Vader C11_: I want to know what you think of this one next. :D

_Fanficcrit_: THANK YOU! ;P Oh...you got me all boo-hoo-ey...thanks so much... ;;)

_Borrow-the-moonlight-untill..._: You guessed right! ;P Here's the update—what do you think?

_kiddtris_: THANKS SO MUCH! ;P Yeah, it was initially a prologue, but I decided against it. Anyway, this chapter's longer—hope you like it. ;P

_SugarN'SpiceRin_: -'Addict grabs her and begins to squeeze her to death, all the while sobbing with hysterical gratitude- THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH! I really appreciate it—ooh, I'm not letting you go now! ;P

_Aya-kun_: It's you! ;P Hehe, thanks for checking this one out—you saved me from shamelessly plugging it in the other stories to get my other readers to take a look. –Bad Addict, Bad!– :D As to updating _those_...well...I could...for a price...-evil smile-...he...hehehehe...kidding. :D


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